現身的考量主要有以父母為導向（怕父母傷心、失望）以及自利導向（怕父母不能接受，繼而影響自己的權益）的因素。現身或不現身的策略則包括1. 隱藏（同性戀資訊管理、偽裝、與父母疏遠、離家）。2. 降低現身的風險（增強自身的能量、降低父母對他的期望、主動提供資訊以改變父母的態度）。3. 應付婚姻壓力（提出不婚論述、鼓勵兄弟結婚生子）。而現身之後父母經常採取否認的態度，或自責教養方式有誤，或質疑小孩被朋友帶壞，同性戀成為一個不能碰觸的禁忌，一道不能揭開的傷口。有的父母有程度接受，事實上是接受自己的小孩，但不能接受同性戀。父母可能仍擁有刻板印象，因此擔心小孩受到社會歧視、孤單、得到愛滋病、失去男性氣概等。只有極少數的例子，因親子關係良好，父母的態度本來也較為開放，父母會嘗試去理解同志兒子的處境，進而提供支持。
Gay Men and Their Parents: Decisions, Strategies, and Consequences of Coming Out
Herng-Dar Bih(Graduate Institute of Building and Planning, National Taiwan University )
Many gay studies and personal stories of gay men illustrate that coming out is the central aspect of gay identity development. In addition, coming out to parents is the most important and difficult challenge for gay men. Thirty-two gay men, aged from 16 to 42, were interviewed in order to understand gay men’s relations with their parents as well as the decisions, strategies and consequences of coming out to parents.
According to the findings, the considerations for coming out include parents’oriented (ex. hurting their feelings) and self oriented (ex. the risk of possible rejection) reasons. Gay men used the following strategies to deal with coming out, ex. hiding, reducing the risk of coming out, managing the pressure of marriage. Once coming out, their parents tended to take the attitude of denial. They either blamed themselves or suspected that their child was influenced by bad friends. Their child’s being gay became a taboo, a topic that would not be discussed. Only very few parents who were open and had intimate relationship could try to understand their child’s situation and try to give him support.
gay men, homosexuality, coming out, family, stigma management